After each passing second, we are presented with a multitude of choices. The correct selection of which will dictate our life for the better, or for the worse.
Today, I wish to write about three types of choices we are constantly presented with. That being,
Reaction: How we respond to fate.
Pause: The time it takes us to respond.
And Certainty: The bravery to change our lives.
Reaction:
How much of our lives is truly in our control? Simply speaking, we control merely a cup of water compared to an vast ocean. Yet, this cup alone is sufficient to quench our thirst.
The renowned Stoic philosopher Epictetus was born into slavery. Later in his youth, he would become disabled in one leg. Despite these out-of-control set backs Epictetus became the forefront voice behind “The Dichotomy of Control.” An tool that promises one a life of peace an tranquility.
The Dichotomy of Control states that fate, or rather, anything that is not of one’s mind, is out of control and unchangeable. Be it your social status, your health, your friends, your country, your lover, your work, or the traffic you commute in, we have absolutely no control over what happens.
Well, isn’t this depressing? Indeed, everything you have built and nurtured could disappear tonight, and you would be unable to do anything but watch. However, there is nothing we can do about it. Which is incredibly freeing.
On the other side of the dichotomy, Epictetus argues that we are only responsible for how we choose and control our reactions to fate. Which is fortunately much simpler to do than trying to and failing to control fate.
In this control (of our reactions) lays an divine-like power that can transform our lives for the better. And serves to redirect our power to the present moment.
For example: Traffic sucks, we have all been and suffered there, but instead of giving into to rage and making the situation worse with popped veins, could we not take a deep breath and accept the traffic as it is, and redirect our energy to enjoying the present moment?
We have no control over what tomorrow may bring. We could end up losing everything, including our health. We could be an brain in a vat for all we know, but ultimately, as the Stoics say, our ability to choose how we react cannot be taken away, no matter the strength of fate’s slave-chains.
In short: We are only responsible for what we bring to the table. Everything else is weight off our shoulders.
Pause:
Life can be a burden, in modern times we are inundated with copious amounts of junk that no human has had to face before. All of this rides the false perceptions our ego already loves to provide. Which summates to an perfect storm of unnecessary anxiety and misdirected efforts.
However, by taking a step back and pausing we can sort the useless from the useful, while properly responding to the external world.
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” – Often attributed to Viktor E. Frankl and/or Stephen R. Covey
Speaking from my own experience, anxious and low-confidence states can often snowball into vicious and scary episodes of extreme self doubt that throws everything into peril. How often does a low performance on a test/assignment have you doubting your overall ability to conduct your life? If it were not so real and troubling I would almost find it funny how a mere pebble on the road can cause one to doubt the miles long journey they are on. But alas, this is all too real.
In these moments of rampant stress or before big choices we can simply take a step back and delay our response until we know for sure. This backwards step fills us with a great perspective that can aid in detecting what is a real concern over an unnecessary overreaction. While giving us the spacetime to transform our lives, by choosing to give ourselves time to arrive at the correct, un-rushed, and rational decision.
Often in life, we are presented with a raging storm that lays waste to everything in it’s path. However, instead of running around like a butchered chicken we can sit back and patiently wait for the hints of the blue sky that are certainly to come. Which then allows us to move towards the edge of the storm, rather than it’s eye.
In short: Taking adequate spacetime to respond to an situation allows us to transform our lives for the better.
Certainty: Smiling in the face of uncertainty.
“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” – Rita Mae Brown / Albert Einstein.
I have long struggled against uncertainty, despite it being the very essence that drives us forward. I am certainly one of many who have foxhole-d themselves into habitual Certainty hoping that one day, the sun would rise on my accomplished dreams without me having to voyage out into that uncertain night. However, this is very unrealistic.
The world, fate, that job, that dream, that goal, that person, that journey will certainly not wait for you. Pacing your mental halls again and again debating endlessly on choice will not grant you the result you most desire. This will only deepen your fortifications into insanity as would be-s rain down upon you, slowly drowning you.
So embrace the unknown, take that step out into the real world and seize your goals. Your mental halls only weigh you down, so throw them in the sea of the unknown, be grateful and proud to say at least you tried, for that rings more confidence and freedom than the heaviness of could have beens.
Life is short, opportunities come and go, the only thing that is certain is that all is uncertain. To be one with your goals is to fill yourself up with that uncertainty. So go out there, and pave your way.
An other note, wouldn’t your dreams feel all the more real if they had a physical basis, and not just lost in the tides of your mind? Perhaps fate would respect you more, at least you have tried.
In short: There are only two certain things in life. One: Everything is Uncertain. Two: Fear holds us back.
Conclusion:
Life is a game of tennis. We can never be sure how we will be served, but that does not matter to us. The only thing that does is how consistent we are in serving back.
