OfPonderingWandering

This is Part 2 (Analytical Awareness) of a two-part blog series (plus Experiential Awareness) on how to reclaim ourselves from ourselves. For those of us who have experienced adversity in the past, our journey begins with regaining conscious control over our ‘automatic behavioural responses.’ You see, our brain is excellent at adapting both behaviour and mental processes to ensure survival. This may appear to be emotional numbing (protection from overwhelming emotions) or even issues related to attachment theory. These ‘processes’ are great at what they do; they have protected us and helped us survive. But now, they may be holding us back. It is time for us to choose who we become, this all starts with awareness. 

Introduction

One of the most powerful things we can do in life is learn how to step back from our experience. 

This allows us to overcome our ego and see reality for what it really is. Like any skill, we must develop a practice to strengthen our analytical style. A common and time-tested practice is simple journaling. Even fifteen minutes can positively impact our day by taking the weight off our shoulders. 

While there are many types of journaling, this blog focuses on a form of introspective journaling that enables us to reclaim control over ourselves and our lives. It begins with recalling our interactions and reactions throughout the day. We are particularly interested in identifying reactions/interactions that stand out, moments where we feel unsettled, overwhelmed or triggered. This may manifest as overreactions to conversations, sudden episodes of negative feelings, or even negative self-talk.

Furthermore, after we take stock of ‘interactions of interest’, we must begin to investigate the surrounding thoughts and the quality of those thoughts. Are they negative or positive? What do they make you feel in the body? 

After we plot out our ‘interactions of interest.’ We will begin to trace these interactions back to their origin. Firstly, we must understand that our response has been taught to us. We learn primarily as children, through mimicking, observing, and acting with our caregivers. However, our capacity for the brain to adapt (neural plasticity) and learn new behaviors is not limited only to childhood. Take PTSD, for example, which can happen at any age range, where an association forms between a stimulus and a traumatic life event. This writing can lead to flashbacks, even in safe and secure environments. 

A significant area of interest to explore will be our early childhoods and our interactions with our parents. This is when we begin to develop concepts of relationships, identity, and the world. If these domains of our lives are maladapted, a non-judgmental and compassionate investigation into our childhood may provide clarity. Briefly, attachment theory describes four common attachment styles that are shaped by our (early and continuing) interactions with caregivers. These interactions aid us in forming beliefs about the world and relationships, leading to major ‘consequences’ as we age. As we begin to explore our childhood, we should write down both the events and the emotions they evoke. This practice builds the foundation for a Narrative practice.

Narrative

A narrative of our life is a retelling of what has happened to us since we were born, up to the present day. To effectively narrate our lives, we must implement both emotions and facts.

This means after we discuss an event in our lives, then pause and take note of the feelings that arise within us. This is a form of emotional reprocessing that allows us to work through ‘bottled up’ emotions and let them go. As we begin to narrate our lives, we may even want to split our lives up into chapters, to help ‘chunk’ up our work, so to speak. 

Alongside life events and arising emotions, I would like us to bring awareness to our ‘maladapted interactions’ that we spoke of previously. Within our narrative, we should look to answer these questions. 

‘Are there any experiences that reinforce/amplify your ‘interactions of interest’ or the surrounding thought patterns?’ 

Take getting fired from your job. Anyone going through this experience would be devastated. However, for the person with low self-esteem, this experience would likely reinforce their feelings of inadequacy. This exact process is what we are looking for. 

‘Are there any experiences that take away from/rebuff your ‘interactions of interest’ or the surrounding thought patterns?’ 

Take dating, for example. Broadly, people fall into two camps of self-image. Insecure and secure. If someone from the insecure category were to date someone from the secure category. Their maladaptive thought patterns and behaviour would be challenged by the secure partner. They could lead to leading for the insecure partner through the modeling of secure behaviours. 

Another essential thing to keep an eye out for is coping mechanisms. Both healthy (journaling, walking, exercises, taking space/time away, seeking support) and unhealthy (substance abuse, emotional numbing, distractions). While we are on the healing journey and constructing our narrative. I would like you to take note of the coping mechanisms used during each period of our lives. 

What all of this work allows us to do is to form a solid self-identity. What these behaviours and thought patterns stem from is trauma. Of which, a common effect is an undeveloped identity. To develop a healthy identity and a sense of self, formed through narrative, is incredibly important for understanding why we are the way we are. Through clarity and context, our previous actions make sense: ‘Of course we would turn to substances, we had a tough childhood, and no healthy coping mechanisms.’ Self-compassion is key.

Here I invite you to pause, and reflect. What are some general chapters in your life? You may want to write them down. When you are ready, we will move onto the last brief section. 

Patterns 

An essential part of reclaiming ourselves is to break free from old habits and chains of suffering. Often, the behaviour we have learned puts us into the same negative situation again and again (self-fulfilling prophecy). Or alternatively, we interact with the source of our suffering again and again (interacting with an abusive boss day after day). What all of this does is propagate a pattern of thought and behaviour within our lives, which brings suffering. 

Once we become aware of patterns in our lives, we can begin to break them. 

Circling back to our narrative. What makes some of the negative interactions especially powerful is their repetition. Consider interactions with our parents; it is very likely that their behavior, which resulted in you having crushing self-expectations (for example), has reoccurred many times throughout your life. Thus, forming a pattern. What we must do is track down each of these patterns within our lives and ask the following questions. 

‘How did I react?’

‘What thoughts arise?’ 

‘What emotions arose and where did they arise?’ 

‘What/who caused this?’ 

‘Are there any other “episodes” of this within my life?’

‘What is really happening?’ (Back to the self-esteem example, in reality, a loss of a job. But to that person, a reinforcement of behavior.)

The more we answer the questions, the more awareness we bring into our lives.  A great indicator of our progress is when we can bring awareness into the moment just before we react in a certain way. Where the choice of reaction is ours, and ours truly. Viktor Frankl said it best, ‘Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.’ Within that space, we cultivate our new and authentic selves. 

In conclusion, the ability to bring an analytical form of awareness to our lives is a crucial part of reclaiming our lives. It starts with the acknowledgement that our behaviour was taught to us at some point in our lives. Furthermore, the way we were raised plays a crucial role in shaping our behavior today. The following fundamental step is to recreate a narrative of our lives, and how the trauma that causes our behaviour has grown over time (reinforced and/or diminished). Through daily reflection and journaling, the formation of our narrative brings awareness to the patterns of trauma within our life. And eventually, gives us the awareness to notice, and choose our behaviour before it unfolds. 

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