OfPonderingWandering

Sometimes, the self-improvement/healing process can feel like a Sisyphean Task. You work hard, only to stumble on hidden pain that seems to drag you back to the mountain’s bottom.

Luckily for us, healing is a finite task; each step we take, no matter how small, rubs away at the mountain, and eventually it’ll be reduced to dust. Still, it certainly doesn’t feel like this. 

I am guilty of taking on too many healing tasks at once; it is unrealistic for one to unpack various aspects of their life in parallel. While here I am, going 120 so that I can be fully actualized for whatever will come my way.

That’s not how life works, though, I will admit that. What I would describe as failure (e.g., anxiety in social situations) is actually a stepping stone to success. To be cliché, failure is refusing to get back up. Not at all the necessary but uncomfortable ‘mistakes’ that let you grow. 

What is most important is that we learn from these ‘mistakes.’ I always tell myself that as long as I take something (a lesson) away from some unsatisfactory experience/situation. Then my mistake simply becomes a ‘miss’ and that implies I at least tried in the first place.

To drive this point home, Wayne Gretzky’s famous quote goes like, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” So at least you put yourself out there and tried in the first place. Now, with self-compassion and calmness, pick yourself off the floor and try again. 

It is the process of falling and picking ourselves up again, which permits us to become stronger individuals over time. They didn’t build Rome in a day, nor should we expect unpacking possibly decades’ worth of bullshit to be a speedy or easy process, for that matter. 

What matters most is the progression towards your goal, whatever it may be. No one cares if you run or crawl there. The mere fact of progression entails that one day, you will arrive at your destination. If you are still pessimistic, then at least you will have come a damn long way. 

I’ve always told myself that I will continue to ‘walk on’ no matter what the difficulties are. Pulling from Logotherapy, this is the attitudinal approach to meaning-making. I cannot change all the factors that have led me to my current physiological and psychological profile, nor the worldly events that are occurring. BUT I can certainly change how I view them. 

And it’s this thought that both gives me the will to go on, but strips me of the present. It is challenging to strike a balance between keeping your eyes on the road, enjoying the scenery, and checking the mirrors. Yet, I somehow manage to do this while driving, so it must be possible. 

Yes, we have to learn to enjoy the journey for what it is. 

The Journey 

One of the most common pitfalls during self-improvement is being so focused on the future that you despise yourself for who you are now, for being ‘incomplete.’ First of all, it is both natural and acceptable to have a focus on outcome. I would even say it’s admirable to look objectively at your life, not only to identify and label something as ‘needing improvement,’ but then actively commit to changing it- that’s pretty brave. 

However, sometimes, we are too farsighted, and we lose track of important signage and roadside attractions along the way. What we really need is a change in pace and perspective—all starting from a singular point, of trusting yourself. 

Trust Yourself

What really helped me let go of my ‘obsessions’ with the future was putting my trust in myself. I can get to whatever (reasonable and attainable) goal I set. Why? Because I trust my character and values to get me there. 

I am committed to and will put in the necessary effort to reach my goals. That is my character speaking, and from past experiences with my character, not just building it —I know that I can achieve that goal someday.

You see, it doesn’t have to be today, tomorrow, or even next month. Sometimes, there may be obstacles in our way that we need to overcome first. Now isn’t the right time at all. Then, it simply becomes a matter of patience and the loving belief that we will get there. 

Patience and endurance are essential character traits for us to cultivate on the journey of self-improvement. Many of our goals, whether gym-related, financial, family-related, relational, or school-related, cannot and must not be completed within a short amount of time, lest we become burned out. 

Instead, we must learn to endure long stretches of effort without immediate reward, while trusting ourselves to reach our desired destination. And, still finding enjoyment and fulfillment in the process, that, my friends, is what patience is. Trust gives us direction, while patience gets us there. 

Patience

I like to think of patience as a balance of finding fulfillment, maintaining a good pace, and enjoying the present. All while still working towards a reasonable goal in the future. To put it another way, our Motus Operandi should not be “Maximize growth under all circumstances,” as this leads to tunnel vision. Instead, it should be something like “Aim to be 1% better each day” – James Clear.

If we strive to be 1% better each day, then we will find a sweet pace of both improvement and rest, and the knowledge that one day we will reach our desired destination. Ultimately, patience enables us to break the vicious cycle of obsessive self-improvement that often leads to self-destruction, which many people fall into. 

What I want all of us to remember is this: 

Pain, then gain: When it comes to the domain of self-improvement, it’s going to suck (a lot) before it gets better. For example, setting a new gym routine- and sticking to it requires a lot of discipline and commitment. However, after a while, it just becomes an automatic routine. 

Set a good pace: Pacing is critical to growth; we want to ensure that we don’t burn ourselves out while maintaining a reasonable and fair pace. 

Enjoy the journey: Every step of the journey is a journey itself. Know that even if we are not where we want to be, our character and present actions will bring us there. Put your trust in this, and enjoy what is given to you in the present. 

The rearview mirror is for glancing: Don’t get caught up in the past either! Sometimes we like to pretend that we can control the past, or even extend who we are (our morals) into the past, creating judgments of who we were. Yet, we should learn to honour the past, for it has brought us to the present, with all the experience we need to be who we are. 

At times, self improvement may feel Sisyphean. Yet, with patience, trust, and enjoyment- in no time, the mountain will be reduced to dust. 

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